Steven Dutch, Natural and Applied Sciences, Universityof Wisconsin - Green Bay
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Between the time Star Trek, the series went off the air and the timethat the first film came out, the cast of Star Trek resorted to some reallydesperate measures to keep the rent paid. I've always wanted to organize a filmfestival called Star Trek: The Lost Years to showcase this stuff.Centerpieces would include:
Take the worst spaghetti western ever made and have it performed by peoplewho were driven out of acting school at gunpoint, and you have this 1968 TV movie. Shatner is identical twins, one of whom was kidnapped by the Comanchesas a baby. Problem is that Bad Shatner goes around killing settlers, burningcabins and raping women, which makes life a little hard on Good Shatner, whokeeps getting blamed. Only way to tell them apart is that bad Shatner has coalblack eyes. Didn't the bad twin/good twin idea turn up in a couple of StarTrek episodes?
A stagecoach rolls into town with all the occupants dead except for onewoman, who tumbles out, hair disheveled and clothes discreetly ripped. This isprime-time TV in the seventies, so nobody can say "rape." Instead onegrizzled character rushes up and yells "Who done it to you, MissClara?" Good Shatner rides into town and the rape victim promptly freaksout, but Good Shatner establishes his innocence by telling her to recall thecolor of her attacker's eyes. Call your local Rape Counseling Center to see howrealistic this is.
There's a range war going on, and both sides try to recruit Good Shatner as ahired gun. One of the villains is Frontier Weirdo, the character that showed upin every spaghetti western wearing a long overcoat and cape. The other guy isshort and balding. When Good Shatner asks how long the job is for, the guyflicks his cigar and replies "That depends on how long ... ahhh(flick)...you can stay alive." You can just see Bugs Bunny going "Ehhh,what's up, Doc?"
Finally Good Shatner goes out, tracks down Bad Shatner and kills him. Herides back into town with the body, dumps it on the ground, and the camerafocuses on the eyes. Or maybe it was the other way around. It's been a longtime.
Go get a Latin dictionary and look up "lepus." I won't go anywhere.You have got to see this for yourself.
Yup, that's right. They made a horror film (1972) about rabbits, starringDeForest Kelley. Giant, mutant rabbits spawned, of course, by radiation in anabandoned mine. Eventually they get out and start trampling everything in theirpath. In the process they look like slightly bewildered bunny rabbits tramplingacross a model railroad layout. They don't even hop, for Heaven's sake.They just amble along.
The rabbits are headed for the nearest town and the citizens are evacuated.In a truly priceless scene, the sheriff goes to the drive-in theater andannounces via loudspeaker "You have to evacuate. There is a herd of giant carnivorousrabbits headed this way." And everyone just starts up their cars and drivesoff! "Giant carnivorous rabbits? Hey, sounds reasonable to me." or maybe "What, again!"
Finally, the townsfolk connect a power line to a railroad track and zap thebunnies as they attempt to cross. No animals were harmed during the making ofthis movie, although most of their acting careers were ruined. You'd see thempathetically carrying signs saying "Will deliver Easter Eggs forfood."
In my own defense, I did not spend good money to watch this film. I caught iton cable in my hotel room once.
Created 20 September 2002, Last Update 24 May 2020
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